The blind man

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him.
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen.
The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen.
He tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork around your vagina before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here!"

#BogBlog

When men don't listen

A man traveling on a new modern plane was in urgent need of using

the restroom. Each time he tried to use it, it was occupied.

The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use

the ladies room but she cautioned him against pressing any of the

buttons.

The man agreed and rushed into the restroom to relieve himself.

He noticed four buttons marked "WW", "WA", "PP" and "ATR". Making

a fateful mistake many men make in disregarding what a woman

says, the man allowed his curiosity to get the best of him and

decided to try to the buttons anyway.

He carefully pressed the first button, marked "WW", and

immediately warm water sprayed his entire bottom.

He thought," Golly, the gals really got it made".

Still curious, he pressed the second button, marked "WA", and

warm air dried his bottom off gently and quickly. He thought that

was out of this world.

The button marked "PP" caused a large powder puff to powder his

bottom with a sweet smelling silky powder.

Well naturally he couldn't resist pressing the last button marked

"ATR".

When he woke up in the hospital, he panicked and buzzed the

nurse. When she appeared, he cried out,

"What happened? The last thing I remember I was in the ladies

room aboard a plane.

The nurse replied "Yes, and you were having a great time until

you pressed the "ATR" button"

"What the hell does "ATR" stand for?" asked the man.

"Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."

@TheeBogBlog #BogBlog

Best divorce letter EVER!

Dear Wife, I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

The Reply:

Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.

Advice for husbands about ageing wives

It is important for men to remember that as women grow older it
becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of
housekeeping they did when they were younger.  When men notice
this, they should try not to yell.  Let me relate how I handle
the situation.

When I chucked my job and took early retirement a year ago, it
became necessary for Nancy to get a full-time job both for extra
income and for health insurance benefits that we need.  She was a
trained lab tech when we met thirty some years ago and was
fortunate to land a job at the local medical center.

It was shortly after she started working at this job that I
noticed that she was beginning to show her age.  I usually get
home from fishing or hunting about the same time she gets home
from work.  Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always
says that she has to rest for half an hour or so before she
starts supper.  I try not to yell at her when this happens.
Instead, I tell her to take her time.  I understand that she is
not as young as she used to be.  I just tell her to wake me when
she finally does get supper on the table.

She used to wash and dry the dishes as soon as we finished
eating.  It is now not unusual for them to sit on the table for
several hours after supper. I do what I can by reminding her
several times each evening that they aren't cleaning themselves.
I know she appreciates this, as it does seem to help her get them
done before she goes to bed.

Our washer and dryer are in the basement.  When she was younger,
Nancy used to be able to go up and down the stairs all day and
not get tired.  Now that she is older she seems to get tired so
much more quickly. Sometimes she says she just can't make another
trip down those steps.  I don't make a big issue of this.  As
long as she finishes up the laundry the next evening I am willing
to overlook it.  Not only that, but unless I need something
ironed to wear to the Monday's lodge meeting or to Wednesday's or
Saturday's poker club or to Tuesday's or Thursday's bowling or
something like that, I will tell her to wait until the next
evening to do the ironing. This gives her a little more time to
do some of those odds and ends things like shampooing the dog,
vacuuming, or dusting.

Also, if I have had a really good day fishing, this allows her to
gut and scale the fish as a more leisurely pace.  Nancy is
starting to complain a little occasionally.  Not often, mind you,
but just enough for me to notice. For example, she will say that
it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills
during her lunch hour.  In spite of her complaining, I continue
to try to offer encouragement.  I tell her to stretch it out over
two or even three days.  That way she won't have to rush so much.
I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then
wouldn't hurt her any, if you know what I mean.

When doing simple jobs she seems to think she needs more rest
periods than she used to have to take.  A couple of weeks ago she
said she had to take a break when she was only half finished
mowing the yard.

I overlook comments like these because I realize it's just age
talking.  In fact, I try to not embarrass her when she needs
these little extra rest breaks.  I tell her to fix herself a
nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit
for a while.  I tell her that as long as she is making one for
herself, she may as well make one for me and take her break by
the hammock so she can talk with me until I fall asleep.

I could go on and on, but I think you know where I'm coming from.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support
Nancy on a daily basis.  I'm not saying that the ability to show
this much consideration is easy.  Many men will find it
difficult.  Some will find it impossible.  No one knows better
than I do how frustrating women can become as they get older. 

My purpose in writing this is simply to suggest that you make the
effort.  I realize that achieving the exemplary level of showing
consideration I have attained is out of reach for the average
man.   However guys, even if you just yell at your wife a little
less often because of this article, I will consider that writing
it was worthwhile.

Note: This article was found next to the author's body. The cause
of death is still under investigation

A tip for the ladies... and the gays

You're welcome, boys.

Come in, talk shit.

This blog was created for the sick, twisted and criminally insane rejects society does not want. Anything goes.

Consider this a warning.